Life...

I took a little road trip down to DC for the weekend and on Sunday, I went to my friend's church, Open Door Presbyterian, in Herndon, VA.  They had a special service where they were encouraging people to participate in this new Sunday school program for disabled kids, and this 13 year-old girl went up and gave a testimony about her 9 year-old sister who has some physical and mental disabilities.  It was very moving, and it was really interesting to listen to this teenage girl's worldview evolving and changing as she came to grips with who her sister was.  During the weekend I also had a difficult conversation with my friend who's caring for his father with terminal cancer.  All of this got me to thinking again about what exactly is the point of life and how we should go about living it.  It seems to me that for most of us, we have a pretty simple approach to life.  We try and enjoy our life and be happy or help others enjoy life and be happy.  If something bad happens, then we try and get rid of it or solve it as quickly as possible, so we can go back to enjoying life and being happy.  But doesn't this strike you as being just a tad primitive?  I mean, really, is that why God created us?  Just so we could enjoy life?  Cuz if he did, then he must be a pretty unfair God, since not everyone was given a beautiful life.  Remember those two 29 year-old conjoined Iranian twins?  That's just one small example, but I think everyone would agree that there is a definite inequality to the kinds of lives we're each born into.  So I just feel like there's some bigger and higher goal that God intends for us. 

The first question and answer of the Westminster Shorter Catechism is as follows:

Q: What is the chief end of man?

A: Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

Now I like the sound of that, but it's kind of abstract, like something a bunch of theologians came up with after brainstorming for about 36 straight hours.  I would modify and simplify that somewhat and say that God's universal goal for every single man, woman and child is that they... learn.  Learn and understand about themselves, life, God, etc...  because the experience of life has everything to do with your understanding of it.  A piece of day-old bread in front of you may be something gross and unappetizing or it may be a wonderful meal that you're very thankful to eat - like the glass half empty vs. the glass half full.  It's about struggling daily to impose order and meaning upon life.  Job was really cutting edge when he said after God ruined him, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"  Job 2:10.  Of course, after a week or two, he broke down and started complaining his butt off, but he was SO close.  It's that renewing and transforming of the mind that God seeks, so that taking care of your 9 year-old handicapped sister or sick parent is not an obstacle to the enjoyment of life, but the central action of life as it was meant to be lived: the stronger helping the weaker.  Love in action.  And when we understand love, we understand God, and the kind of world he designed.  As we understand him more, we see as he sees and we become sanctified, a wee bit more like Christ every day...

p.s.  Haven't cut my hair yet.  Maybe Wednesday.  Most of y'all liked the flat top or the korean, but I think it's gonna end up being a modified slacker...

Hair

Tomorrow, Halloween, is the one year anniversary of the day my fiance dumped me after buying me pizza.  So, to celebrate, I'd like to do two things.  First, I'm gonna eat some pizza.  Then, and I'm not sure whether I'm going to do this on Friday or after the weekend, I'm gonna cut my hair.  I've actually been cutting my own hair since my senior year in high school.  My hair is kind of wavy, curly and was always a pain, and barbers never seemed to do what I wanted, so I just started doing it myself.  I have to stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom with another mirror in one hand and the clippers or scissors in the other and twist around in all sorts of positions to get the right angles, but I usually get the job done.  So I'm wondering what I should do with it this time, and I thought it might be cool to do a little poll on what look is right for me.  So here goes:

"The Slacker"  This is kind of what it looks like right now.  It's fun and at least I don't look like every other dang Korean in NYC, but it takes about 15 minutes to blow dry and on a windy day, it just gets nasty.

"The 'Fro"  This was back in high school days.  Though it may seem like I got a pah-ma, that's just what naturally happens to my hair when it's a certain length and you're hanging out in a hot, humid place like the Bahamas.

"The Flat-Top"  During my college years, this was normally what I went around in.  It's very low-maintenance, but it also comes perilously close to revealing my egg-shaped head, so that's always a big risk factor.  This picture's from my graduation day.  You can't see but I'm wearing flip-flops and shorts underneath my robe.

"The Mop"  Not to be confused with the 'Fro above.  This is smoother and I think I used a comb on this.  Either that or I just gave myself hat-head every morning to achieve this look.  Unfortunately, in this picture it just looks like a toupee.

"The Korean"  I've probably had this most of my life after college.  It's neat, harmless, and 90% of Korean guys you meet have some derivative of it.  So boring...

"The Missionary"  Ok, I have to explain that during the time I was in Japan, I wasn't allowed to date anyone (or drink alcohol) by our missions organization (OMF. and not just me, all short-termers), so it was in my best interest to look as unattractive as possible to the opposite sex.  Of course it took over a year to get it just right, and by that time I had to head back home.

So whaddaya think?  Which one should I do for my next hairstyle?

All God's Creatures Great and Small

On Saturday, I went to a birthday party at a friend's place up in Westchester.  Upon walking through the door, I was greeted by rapid-fire barking from their little white poodle, Casey.  Most dogs tend to like me and Casey was no exception and he eventually stopped barking and started following me around.  It was a barbecue and while outside I gave him some scraps of rib meat.  As you know, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, even for dogs, and after this, Casey REALLY started liking me.  I could tell because when we got back inside, he began humping my foot.  At first, I was amused and thought, "Haha.  How cute.  This little dog's humping my foot."  But then I started worrying about possible consequences of this action, so I asked my friend,

"Umm...  is your dog going to ejaculate on me?"

"No, that's not possible.  He's been neutered."

"You're kidding."

"No, really."

"So how come he's humping my leg?"

"I dunno.  He doesn't usually do this to anyone.  I guess he likes you."

Now this threw me for a loop.  I had always assumed that when you got your dog or cat neutered, they just lose all interest in sex.  Apparently not.  I looked down at Casey hopelessly grinding away, grabbed his head, looked into those almost human eyes, and asked him, "Dude, why are you doing this?"  And as I stared into those desperate eyes, I could almost read his thoughts.  What he was saying to me, what he was trying to communicate, was something like this: "You must be wondering why I'm humping your leg.  Well, as a matter of fact, I don't think your foot is all that attractive and neither am I stupid enough to imagine that I'm making love to a very ugly female dog.  I'm going through the motions just to remember what it was like, to remember for a second how it was when I used to be...  whole.  Before those sickos who own me lopped off my testicles for their own convenience.  I'm humping your leg in protest for what's been done to me, and I chose you because I felt like you'd understand.  I know it's embarrassing and uncomfortable for you, but please... humor me for just a few more minutes."

Wow.  It all became clear.  This poor dog had been condemned to a life of meaningless humping, never to find satisfaction.  The reasons for neutering your pet are so that they don't run around and make lots of unwanted babies, and I've also heard people say that they're happier that way.  Well, lemme tell ya, clearly this was not a happy puppy.  Naturally my heart went out to him, and I would let him go at it for a few minutes at a time until I got completely disgusted and shook him off.  He got the message, and climbed up on the sofa next to me and just rested with his head on my knee.  Such a tender lover.  I tell ya, if I ever get a cat or dog, I am NOT going to get it fixed.  Unless I'm planning on eating the animal, I will not alter it in any significant way just to make my life easier... 

Evangelism

So last night we were passing out flyers for our "God in the Cosmos" seminar at the 46th Street station in Queens.  I really like our new pastor.  Pastor Davis is so good at starting conversations with anybody, getting to know what's going on in their lives, and eventually sharing the gospel.  And he leads by example, too.  If none of us showed up, he would still have been out there by himself passing out these flyers.  Later on during dinner, Kyu began talking to our waitress and also invited her to our event, which was unusual because he doesn't normally talk to waitresses that aren't hot.  But it got me thinking about the whole action of evangelism.  My approach to conversation is so antithetical to sharing the gospel.  All I do is gather data.  I ask questions, observe and analyze and I'm incredibly hesitant to impose my will on the other person, deliberately steering the conversation to my hidden agenda.  But this is precisely how we're trained to do evangelism oftentimes.  The trendy word these days is to be "intentional" about sharing the gospel, which sounds fine and lovely.  But how do you have normal relationships with people while having this little goal that you're trying to accomplish in every conversation?

In college, I went to this one retreat where we had a seminar on evangelism.  The last line of our little manual read, "And remember, try and use everything under the sun to bring the conversation towards Christ."  I started thinking about the implications of what that meant, and it hit me like a mack truck, cuz I knew there was no way I could do that.  I went up to the speaker later on in tears and asked him, is this what God wants?  Is this what it means to deny yourself and take up the cross?  How much of my personality did I need to change or sacrifice to obey the Great Commission?  I don't remember his response.  Now that may sound like an extreme example, but it's not all that far off from what's generally accepted.  After all, what's at stake is people's souls and if you care enough about them, you have to let them know.  It's why missionaries exist.  Heck, I was one for a while, and I never got used to working the conversation.  Native Japanese people are incredibly sensitive to the subtle shifts and meanings in conversations and it was always an endless battle speaking of Christ in a way that was not forced.  They know you're a missionary, and you know they know you're a missionary and everybody knows what's eventually coming, so every conversation has some drama to it.  Throw in the fact that a lot of native Japanese have some difficulty expressing their true feelings and emotions and you have the makings of some fun conversations.  It wasn't like that with other cultures.  Anyways, I digress.

So what's my solution?  I don't know.  Maybe I'm just too conscious when I'm talking or I give people too much credit or respect, cuz they naturally talk about the things they want, so then I should too, right?  But I find that the times that evangelism is easiest is when my mind is on God, and in the normal course of sharing about my life and what's going on in it, it's no effort to speak of who God is.  That to me, is the key struggle - to not get bogged down with the daily routine of life and instead, keep my big, beautiful, wonderful God in the forefront of my mind.  The rest should take care of itself...

Freedom

I love my car.  I haven't been able to drive it for the past 5 months because my insurance company dropped me for having too many points.  But I just got insurance last week and I felt like screaming like Mel Gibson getting his intestines ripped out, "F-R-E-E-D-O-M!!!!"  And God was really gracious to me even though I was just naturally paying the consequences of my bad driving.  Before I got dropped, I was paying $2200/year.  If I got insurance again right away, I would have had to pay $3500.  But since I waited until my points went down, I'm now paying $1700.  NJ insurance.  Go figure.  Never mind that it's illegal to have a registered uninsured vehicle in NJ.  I'm gonna take a mini-road trip to DC at the end of the month, and I can't wait.  There's nothing like listening to your favorite music and just driving, alone with your thoughts, finally making sense of them all. 

I think I wanna marry someone like my car.  I think my car is hot.  Not everyone would think so, but I look at it and think, dang, what an attractive automobile.  But see, not only is the car attractive, but it's a Toyota Solara, which is essentially a two-door, slightly faster, slightly nicer Camry.  And Camrys, as we all know, are incredibly solid and dependable cars.  And isn't that the ideal?  A car(wife) that will support you, that you can count on, won't complain or break down too much and just keeps steady and consistent with an oil change and fuel injector cleaner every few months.  Then when the car is too old and you've outgrown it, you can trade it in and get a brand new one!  Hahaha...  j/k...  You won't get too much value for your old car, so you might as well keep it.  Yeah, I wanna marry my car...

Dido

I don't do much product endorsement on my posts, but I have got to say, Dido's new album, "Life for Rent", is absolutely AWESOME.  I bought her first CD, and thought it was just OK, but this one I've listened to every day for like the past two weeks and I'm still not tired of it.  Very interesting and soothing music.  If anybody wants it, I'll burn a copy for you if you're nice to me or buy me ice cream or something...

God in the Cosmos Seminar at GFC

Friday Evening 8 – 10 PM
Session One– Cosmos and Contact: Evidence of Design in the Universe

Playing off of Carl Sagan's dictum “the cosmos is all that is, or ever was, or ever will be,” and his interest in the search for extraterrestrial intelligence as depicted in the science fiction film Contact, we note that the universe actually contains at least three messages indicating a super-intellect has put it all together: (1) the design of the universe itself; (2) the striking nature of our place in it; and (3) the existence and nature of living things.

Saturday, 10 AM – Noon
Session Two– The Creation/Evolution Debate: Recent Developments

After sketching some favorable evidence for evolution, we ask, “Could so many scientists be wrong?” We note that science finally depends on evidence, not opinion. We provide a look at some serious scientific problems for evolution. Several of these relate to problems generating the order known to exist in living things with no other mechanism that random phenomena selected for survival: the origin of life, of specific biochemicals, of chemical processes and organs. We then turn to problems with the fossil record: the relative lack of transitional fossils, the shape of the fossil record, the capabilities of small populations to permit large changes, the phenomenon of punctuation and stasis, and the problem of islands of function.

Saturday, 1 – 3 PM
Session Three – Genesis One and the Origin of the Earth

A proposed model for harmonizing the biblical and scientific data regarding the origin and early history of the earth, as sketched in my book Genesis One & the Origin of the Earth. A strong correlation is found between the details of the biblical account and the common scientific model for the origin of the earth and the solar system.

Speaker - Robert C. Newman is Professor of New Testament at the Biblical Theological Seminary of Hatfield, Pennsylvania (a suburb of Philadelphia) and Director of the Interdisciplinary Biblical Research Institute there. He is a frequent speaker at churches and colleges on evidences for the truth of Christianity and on the interaction between science and the Bible.  He has a Master of Divinity and Master of Sacred Theology and done further graduate work in religious thought at the University of Pennsylvania, in biblical geography at the Institute of Holy Land Studies (now Jerusalem University College), and in biblical interpretation at Westminster Theological Seminary. He is a past President of the Evangelical Theological Society, a professional society of nearly 3000 theologians. In the field of science, Dr. Newman received his undergraduate degree in physics from Duke University and his doctorate in theoretical astrophysics from Cornell University. He has done scientific research for the U.S. Weather Bureau and the Franklin Institute.

If you haven't heard about this yet, you must be living in Greenland.  It's the hottest Christian event of the year, baby!

Persistence - Part 2 of 2

Ok, after all that I just said in my previous blog, here's another side.  While I was at my ex-fiance's church, I met a kid named D.  D's about 26, has a learning deficiency, never finished college and floats from one retail sales job to another every few months.  He's a talented musician and used to be in the praise band.  He's emotionally unstable, and gets picked on a lot because of his self-deprecating humor.  I felt bad for him, and thought it might be good to take him under my wing and disciple him.  So I asked him if he'd be interested in having a one-on-one Bible study, and he eagerly accepted.  To make a long story short, it turned out to be a pretty frustrating experience because he would often cancel at the last minute or just plain not show up, and even when he did come, it was difficult because studying the Bible is all about reading comprehension, and with his learning deficiency, he was just not able to make the connections.  Plus he wanted to talk about girls all the time.  In terms of maturity, he was probably the equivalent of a 12 year-old kid.  Anyway, this went on for about a year and a half, until I left the church following my break-up.  When I left, I told D we should stop meeting for Bible study.  Emotionally I was tired and I wasn't really sure I was doing him any good.  Oftentimes I felt like he treated me like a priest or something, just someone he could come to to unburden himself of all his sins, find some quick grace and forgiveness and then go back to doing what he wants.  There are details but you don't want to know.  When I told him about stopping Bible study, he sort of accepted it, but he still kept on calling and asking to meet up.  After a while, I just stopped taking his calls and returning his messages.  So it's been like nine months since I last spoke to him and a year since I left the church, but the dude still calls me at least once or twice every month and leaves me messages asking to meet up, the latest call coming this past weekend (which is what inspired this blog). 

And guess what?  I'm starting to break.  I'm a fairly stubborn person and I thought I had pretty good reasons for ending our meetings.  But y'know, you can only ignore someone for so long.  His singular, unwavering desire is something I both pity and admire and I'm pretty close to giving in.  Now I know that this isn't really the same thing as a guy being persistent after a girl.  But I have a sense now of the kind of dynamic that goes on, and yeah, I still don't like it in principle, but hot dang this thing really works.  But is this good?  Does the end justify the means?  Do I do whatever it takes just to get the girl?  Hmm...  naah.  I'm all about the process, baby.  If you can't love someone enough to respect their wishes now, how do you expect to love them later?  "If you love somebody, set them free..."  And yeah, love, real love, is persistent and patient, like the way God pursues us, a love unbending, unyielding, uncompromising in its purity and concern for the raising of our souls.  But a love like God's is altogether something else, not to be confused with that which drives the hearts of horny men.  Most men who pursue with wild abandon can't distinguish between selfish desire and self-less love, mistaking one for the other.  Sadly, many of the women can't tell the difference either or don't care.  To be wanted is close enough.  Anyways, so my answer is still no.

And yet... 

To have all these high-minded objections and well reasoned arguments against pursuing her, and still not being able to help yourself...  isn't that what she wants?  isn't this what breaks the heart?

Persistence - Part 1 of 2

Ok, fair warning, this may be a very disjointed blog.  You all know the theory of how a guy who's really, really in love with a girl pursues her and pursues her despite all her rejections and finally wins her to his side.  We've seen it in movies, read it in novels and have heard lots and lots of real-life testimonies from couples that have gotten together from it.  For those successful couplings, the guy side of the story boils down to, "I couldn't let her go." or "I knew we were meant to be together."  The girl's side of the story may be summed up as, "I just really knew he loved me." or "He just wore me down."  Now frankly for myself, I've never been a very big fan of this method.  In order for a guy to succesfully attempt this kind of thing, he needs essentially two main things: 1.) serious, serious desire and 2.) serious, serious lack of self-esteem, pride, ego, whatever you wanna call it.  He needs these two qualities cuz he's going to lay his heart on the chopping block and call her even though he knows she thinks he's a loser and doesn't return his messages or if she does, she talks to him for 2 minutes only to tell him politely that she's not interested, leaving his heart a quivering, shredded mess.  And then he picks up the phone and calls her again.  Now as attractive as this scenario sounds, I have trouble bringing myself to do this cuz of 1.) serious, serious lack of desire and 2.) serious, serious self-esteem, pride, ego, whatever you wanna call it. 

First, the desire part.  I figured out pretty early on that the way a person portrays themselves on the outside is often very, very different from how they really are.  No matter how well you think you know a person, you don't really get to know them until you start dating.  Then their true selves come out (and when you get married, it's even worse).  So if what you're seeing in a girl is already something of an illusion, or a fallacy, or merely the qualities that you superimpose onto her, why wait and work yourself into a frenzy until you're completely and hopelessly in love with her before you finally ask her out?  Isn't it much more efficient and logical to ask her out early on when you know you're interested but you haven't gone head over heels yet?  Cuz the longer you wait, the higher your expectations become and the more difficult your adjustment period when you realize she's not who you imagine her to be.  So I actually believe this.  Consequently, normally when I ask a girl out, my desire is high, but not that high, and I simply don't have the foundation to wage a long and costly war that I have a very good chance of losing. 

Second, there's the ego part.  On a basic level, I have a lot of confidence.  I know myself pretty well and I know my strengths and weaknesses and generally I think I'm pretty interesting.  So if I ask a girl out, and I get rejected, my immediate reaction is, "What're you, on crack??!!  Pssshhht.  Your loss."  This is a big obstacle to the whole persistence thing.  I'm not a really a stalker type.  If she's not interested, I can respect that, and I just move on.  Also, I don't think it's all that healthy to have that kind of mindset.  For a guy to continually submit himself to getting shot down and humiliated by the same girl, he's often thinking, consciously or subconsciously, "I can't live without this person." or more accurately, "I need this person."  Helloooo.  My identity is in Christ.  What exactly can't I live without?  Or what exactly do I need this girl for?  C'mon, time to grow up.  I would really like to experience the depth of feeling towards a woman where I actually do feel, "I love this person so much I can't live without her."  But y'know, I expect to feel this for my wife after a few years or decades of marriage, and certainly not during the dating or engagement period before we're even married.  So for these reasons, I don't think persistence would really work for me.

Next up:  My rebuttal to myself.

Just Thinking...

Why am I blogging on a Saturday night?  Just cleaned out one of my drawers and re-read old letters from friends.  Friends who have moved away, friends who are now married with kids, friends who have died.  It's interesting to read about who you were, what you were to people who are no longer in your life.  Makes you realize how temporary all of this is.  It's good to live close to death...

The Girl - Part 5 of 5

“Man, those burgers were good.”

“I am so happy right now.”

“The 4 hour drive, the messed up-date, it was all worth it, man.  I love cows.”

“Yeah, who needs chicks, anyway?  This is what it’s all about, dude.”